The Hope of a Lonely American - Reflection on a Disaster

Writing this blog, I have found it difficult to sort through the limitless potential of the Analects to come up with a practical example and experience. Sometimes I do not know where to begin, or how to see matters clearly. Perhaps the universe will show me in its own way:

In dealing with matters of the world, a jun zi (virtuous person) has no fixed model or method. The only guideline is righteousness.

Learning about Confucianism, or for that matter any form of cultivation, I have found it very easy to get wrapped up in my own little world. To become overly self-centered. This has proved to be a path to individualism and abject loneliness. Recent world events, specifically the earthquake in China, have forced me to again re-evaluate what I am really trying to learn, or become.

Perhaps I am still missing the point, reflecting and writing when I could be on a plane to Sichuan to help others, I feel like this is exactly the time to really see myself clearly, perhaps then there will be some hope for the future.

The truth is, I am quite selfish in my approach to life and cultivation. While I would like to go on just doing my peaceful mediation in the park, I cannot. The reality in which we live is far too terrible and demands attention. I can no longer live in a bubble of loneliness and fantasy. There is another world of potential virtue waiting. Benevolence is not just an abstract concept for contemplation in the classroom.

Specifically, I have been touched by the many stories of heroism and selflessness that have emerged in the days following the earthquake. A mother cradles her infant as buildings collapse upon her, and types a text message in her phone, reminding her now orphaned child of her love. A nine year old boy, in a moment reminiscent of Forrest Gump, returns several times into his destroyed school house to save his classmates, never stopping to notice his own injured arm. A homeless beggar again and again donates money to help others.

These tales of strength and human character force me to evaluate the manner in which I live every day. My friend from class tells me that these qualities did not just emerge during the disaster. He said that the people dtheir lives with strength and compassion every day, the terrible tragedy just provided a forum for the exercise of their virtue.

Sadly, I must admit that I do not hold this type of humanity in my heart. Though I would like to believe that when the critical time comes, I would instantly become a super-hero, it is more likely I would fight for my own individual survival, i.e. the Katrina survivors, than sacrifice myself to help others. We simply do not live in a country or society that encourages sacrifice for others.

The stories continue. The same friend related to me a tale I have still not quite come to grips with. The father of a young girl who survived the quake hears his daughters cries from bellow the rubble. He choose, however, to help other children trapped in the school before saving her. By the time he had removed the others, his daughter had died. He sat crying atop the rubble for three days and nights. As a westerner, I have always been taught 'me and mine first'. This kind of sacrifice simply won't compute in my brain.

I still don't plan to travel to China to try to become a hero. That does not seem the point. If I can somehow restore my human decency today and hold onto it tomorrow, when my time comes, I won't embarrass myself or bring shame to my ancestors good name. I sincerely hope that this painful event will help me remember to live with benevolence every day.

My plan is to begin in my job, awful as it can be. Dealing with people, often rude, irate, irrational, or in many cases downright crazy has left me dejected and tired. Sick of human beings and wishing only to hide in my quiet room.

This disaster has woken me up, just a little bit. These are the people most in need of kindness and help. If I can look out for them as I would my family, perhaps that would be a little benevolence let back into my life.

In this violent and turbulent time, it would be irrational not to believe that I will face my own disasters. And when the time does comes, it is exactly this human quality that I will most need.

Bellow are some links to tales of courage, bravery and downright human kindness.

http://www.reuters.com/news/video?videoId=82748&newsChannel=topNews
http://www.cnn.com/2008/WORLD/asiapcf/05/22/china.breastfeed/
http://www.lifeofguangzhou.com/node_10/node_37/node_82/2008/05/22/121141995138872.shtml
http://kaven.aokhost.com/b/?p=6

Distracted

No class for 2 weeks now, and I have been struggling to write a new post. Originally, I wanted to share how distracting I often find New York to be. Spring is here and beautiful women dot the sidewalks like birds in a tree, colorful and happy at having returned from the cold, long winter. Bikers take to the streets and the tourists are here once more. So much to see. In addition, there are countless cafes, restaurants, shops, bars and an unquantifiable amount of other interesting things to look at here in New York

However, my post on being distracted will have to wait, I have been just too distracted to write anything. Even time for basic reflection goes out the window and my mind drifts from here to there...

Sometimes I feel that if I can learn to maintain my focus here in Manhattan, I will be able to keep my mind calm, even were I to find myself in the throes of battle. Great.

Rather than fight the city and become a recluse, I try to make my self comfortable and at ease here. Awaiting class to begin again, on the first warm day, I find a patch of new grass upon which to sit in Tompkins Square Park, and start to read some earlier chapters of the Analects that I missed. I don't get far; actually, only the first sentence: Confucius said, "Is it not indeed a pleasure to acquire knowledge and constantly exercise oneself therein?"

Looking inside generally proves to be the ultimate joy. There is nothing I enjoy more than sitting on that lawn or in my neighborhood cafe and really trying to sort things out in my mind. It is a constant struggle here to make this happen, however.

I think I understand a little of what Confucius meant, is it not a joy to practice what one has learned? I can relate. From my experience with the last lesson, I can see that keeping one or two simple concepts in mind and working on them daily, I am able to see clearly, and make little improvements over the course of time. Calmness and happiness seem to follow this effort.

Alas, the beast that is New York exacerbates my problem, and I lose focus as easily as a 2 year old child hopped up on candy. Yes Confucius, it may be a joy, but my brain becomes a jumble of unsorted, unwanted and unhelpful thoughts.

Alright, perhaps all I am really working on as a human being is my will to continue learning and trying to put that learning into practice. Is this an overly simple concept? I don't think so. This is perhaps the most crucial part of my new direction, the long and short of it all.

From the first word I read in the Analects, and the first thought I had at writing down my troubled experiences, I felt as if I had taken on a deep responsibility...to never stop working on my virtuous human qualities. I know they are there, if only I could dig 'em out. My friend told me that the virtue of Chien (Heaven, the yang,) was to never give up the determination to pursue benevolence. As Confucius said, I do love learning.

Perhaps this is the teaching I can take from the first line written down in the Analects; I do not have to hurry to attain a goal, but just to take a bit of responsibility to stay on this track, wherever it leads. Naturally the distractions are only helping me with my will.

Thank you New York.

The Analects

I have recently joined a self-study group learning the Analects of Confucius. We meet each week to discuss and contemplate the ancient teachings written down and passed on to this modern generation.

One of my study partners told me he believed, without reservation, that the Analects were absolutely the best teachings for learning the propriety of human interaction and relationships, which are so desperately out of balance in this chaotic world. Struggling in this vain for as long as I can recall, I hope this new approach will give me a solid foundation upon which to live my life.

Having attended only one class, I am already inspired and happy. Though I am the only westerner, I have a good translation (Dover, unabridged, from 1911), and we work together to help each other learn, sharing our understanding as we go. This style of interactive class in and of itself seems to be the essence of what Confucius was trying to convey. Benevolence. Helping our fellow man. That sort of thing.

Though on the surface the sayings and teachings seem very simple, i.e. choose a place to live that has benevolence, when I think about my daily life and use these concepts as a sieve through which to filter the happenings of the day, they take on a much more profound and deep meaning. I truly love doing so. I feel like I am learning something truly useful.

The quote that inspires me the most this week is, only a benevolent person is qualified to like or dislike people. Reflecting on this I see it relates to me because I am full of self-righteousness and judgment of others. I go through the week, always reminding myself on this point.

It usually happens like: whenever someone is rude to me or disturbs the 'peace' I so treasure, often by blocking my way walking on the sidewalk, or being extra-noisy, I not only hate them from the bottom of my heart, I dub them terrible evil people. Whether their 'evilness' is true or not, I am not able to say, I do have not a benevolent heart to see peoples' character clearly. It is only how they affect me on which I have judged them, not their qualities as a human being.

What is true is that all these thoughts waste so much time and cause my mind to be filled with chaos; like a small black hole whose gravity I cannot escape, all the anger was just harming my own original nature and making me hate life. Though my false judgment issue does not disappear, it does seem to quiet down and I have a much more peaceful week. At least I know the problem is mine and not all these 'evildoers' on the outside.

Now when I get angry at others so-called 'wronging' of me, I think of this line from the Analects, and remember it is just that; my anger.

thank you Confucius.