The Hope of a Lonely American - Reflection on a Disaster

Writing this blog, I have found it difficult to sort through the limitless potential of the Analects to come up with a practical example and experience. Sometimes I do not know where to begin, or how to see matters clearly. Perhaps the universe will show me in its own way:

In dealing with matters of the world, a jun zi (virtuous person) has no fixed model or method. The only guideline is righteousness.

Learning about Confucianism, or for that matter any form of cultivation, I have found it very easy to get wrapped up in my own little world. To become overly self-centered. This has proved to be a path to individualism and abject loneliness. Recent world events, specifically the earthquake in China, have forced me to again re-evaluate what I am really trying to learn, or become.

Perhaps I am still missing the point, reflecting and writing when I could be on a plane to Sichuan to help others, I feel like this is exactly the time to really see myself clearly, perhaps then there will be some hope for the future.

The truth is, I am quite selfish in my approach to life and cultivation. While I would like to go on just doing my peaceful mediation in the park, I cannot. The reality in which we live is far too terrible and demands attention. I can no longer live in a bubble of loneliness and fantasy. There is another world of potential virtue waiting. Benevolence is not just an abstract concept for contemplation in the classroom.

Specifically, I have been touched by the many stories of heroism and selflessness that have emerged in the days following the earthquake. A mother cradles her infant as buildings collapse upon her, and types a text message in her phone, reminding her now orphaned child of her love. A nine year old boy, in a moment reminiscent of Forrest Gump, returns several times into his destroyed school house to save his classmates, never stopping to notice his own injured arm. A homeless beggar again and again donates money to help others.

These tales of strength and human character force me to evaluate the manner in which I live every day. My friend from class tells me that these qualities did not just emerge during the disaster. He said that the people dtheir lives with strength and compassion every day, the terrible tragedy just provided a forum for the exercise of their virtue.

Sadly, I must admit that I do not hold this type of humanity in my heart. Though I would like to believe that when the critical time comes, I would instantly become a super-hero, it is more likely I would fight for my own individual survival, i.e. the Katrina survivors, than sacrifice myself to help others. We simply do not live in a country or society that encourages sacrifice for others.

The stories continue. The same friend related to me a tale I have still not quite come to grips with. The father of a young girl who survived the quake hears his daughters cries from bellow the rubble. He choose, however, to help other children trapped in the school before saving her. By the time he had removed the others, his daughter had died. He sat crying atop the rubble for three days and nights. As a westerner, I have always been taught 'me and mine first'. This kind of sacrifice simply won't compute in my brain.

I still don't plan to travel to China to try to become a hero. That does not seem the point. If I can somehow restore my human decency today and hold onto it tomorrow, when my time comes, I won't embarrass myself or bring shame to my ancestors good name. I sincerely hope that this painful event will help me remember to live with benevolence every day.

My plan is to begin in my job, awful as it can be. Dealing with people, often rude, irate, irrational, or in many cases downright crazy has left me dejected and tired. Sick of human beings and wishing only to hide in my quiet room.

This disaster has woken me up, just a little bit. These are the people most in need of kindness and help. If I can look out for them as I would my family, perhaps that would be a little benevolence let back into my life.

In this violent and turbulent time, it would be irrational not to believe that I will face my own disasters. And when the time does comes, it is exactly this human quality that I will most need.

Bellow are some links to tales of courage, bravery and downright human kindness.

http://www.reuters.com/news/video?videoId=82748&newsChannel=topNews
http://www.cnn.com/2008/WORLD/asiapcf/05/22/china.breastfeed/
http://www.lifeofguangzhou.com/node_10/node_37/node_82/2008/05/22/121141995138872.shtml
http://kaven.aokhost.com/b/?p=6